surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
