there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize