i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
