Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
