I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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