why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
