Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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