Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
