the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
