Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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