Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
