he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Enjoy the penises
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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