He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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