Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I didn't notice because vodka
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
