oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
