Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
