I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Damn victory sex feels great
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
