Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
