Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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