And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
