So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
