my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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