He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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