Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
