I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize