I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
