The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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