I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Slut skills are useful in every country.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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