I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
