It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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