Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
