Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
