i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
