who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize