On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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