Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
