It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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