I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
