im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
