I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
