you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
