The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
