I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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