my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
