i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
