Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
