at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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