Redeem this text for a blowjob
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
