the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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