i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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