Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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