i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
