i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
