This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need moral support for this bender
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
