So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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