I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
