Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
