Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
