Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
