If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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