This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
