They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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