I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Houston, we have a blender
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
