I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Someone came in the potted fern
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
