Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
