Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
